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A Laugh, A Memory, A Roller, A Friend

September 11, 2020

I have struggled with this one. Tears. “It can’t be!” Then memories flowed. Then it came on headlines. Then came tributes…and I still couldn’t share.

Going back some 45 years many know of the walls covered with Bay City Roller posters…some with an occasional Donny Osmond or David Cassidy or someone else in. Oh but the Rollers were a wave beyond. Then the famous lineup changed when Alan left and – gasp – an Irish lad took the musical spot. In less than a year he left but many fans followed to Rosetta Stone and, later, the Ian Mitchell Band.

I went to college, studied horses, moved, got married, got divorced, life rolled over but some “Roller friends” remained *friends* through it all. I worked agriculture, horses and writing. After a stint with a towing company I began writing for a magazine few have heard of called Towing & Recovery Phootnotes. Mostly business, office, motivational articles. Like many I never forgot the Rollers or Ian but I wasn’t in Scotland so…!

Then came the internet. I found Ian was living in Vegas and was a motivational speaker. Well…an opening is better than no opening so an email was sent and an email came back. A phone interview was scheduled that would, seriously, change my life. I had no idea…they didn’t either! They being Ian and his lovely wife Wendy, who quickly became a friend. There were differences but also much common ground.

The time came to call for the interview and I was getting nervous…all those years ago his photo was on my wall and now getting to talk to him…while wanting to be ‘professional’ as this was for writing..of course. I had a dozen or so questions penciled in. It wasn’t very far into the article interview I’d asked a question about risk and he (paraphrasing here as the article is long lost) said everything is a risk.Then out of the blue he asked what color underwear I had on. Trust me this was NOT the direction I thought the article was going and I could sense him laughing on the other end as I fumbled. His point was asking was a risk….and he might get slapped if in person but he might get an answer to even an outrageous question. Point. Taken!

Well I was living in Flagstaff at the time so as the “interview” wrapped up it was left with we’d get together sometime. At that time it was more than I’d ever seriously hoped for all those years ago in small town Illinois. Well…not too much later a concert was scheduled and it was “come over!” I worked with Helen for time off a the RV park and with my trusty road dog Gael headed for Vegas. Once the fiasco of meeting up with/missing Wendy was dealt with I followed to their apartment where I met more friends. So I came face to face with Ian…big hug…altered reality kind of experience and…Gael *peed on the floor*! I was mortified. He laughed and said something about dogs being humbling as Wendy got paper towels.

The show was memorable and the next morning held breakfast at the Lucky Dog…don’t think that’s there anymore either. Back to reality…but staying in touch. A show in California challenged my combined trips view…I had a young purebred goat coming in by air to Phoenix and didn’t have time to run back to Flagstaff and drive across I-10 in time to get checked in. What to do…take the goat with me of course. I had a campershell on the truck so feed, water, he’d be fine until we got home. But when I told Ian I had a goat in the truck he didn’t believe me…we went down to see and from that time forth it was a story.

Skip forward…a get together was slated for Rosetta Stone and of course I was going. Walking into a room and meeting the McKee brothers (also once pinned on the wall!) and Ian told the goat story and introduced me as Goat Lady. I got looks of that can’t be true and I assured them it was – he wasn’t exaggerating on that one. It’s not like the goat came on stage!

So, so many memories, laughs, some not so pleasant ones at a few people unjustly saying bad things about them, then me. Life goes on. More funny memories, pranks, gags than bad. Far more. When an engagement got ghosted it was a conversation with Ian that seriously changed my attitude about a lot of things. I won’t ever repeat all that was said as not everyone needs to know everything about everyone. Suffice to say it made a big difference.  Suffice to say it was from a friend not a poster on the wall.

So many times I’d see people use photos without permission and be offended when confronted. In any case, I’d left Arizona to move back East and Ian and Wendy moved back to California. Conversation was mostly on Facebook or email (before Facebook) or phone. Life hits on both ends but it warmed my heart more than I’d admit to see a birthday greeting from him or a passing comment…or make a comment on something funny he posted.

Ian was no longer, to me,just a teen idol. He’d become a friend. Over a couple of decades, with all life throws at us anyone that remains in life is a friend. I’d always thought he and Wendy were the perfect compliment for each other. I’m sure there were challenges but they never spoke of it publicly or disrespected others publicly. She means more to me than she knows. He became an American citizen, legally, and was very proud of that and the opportunities he’d had here in America. Most of the hundreds of photos taken at the shows and privately are now in my mind only. Storms of life.

When I saw the news Ian passed away on September first I first thought of Wendy. Then I thought how much I was going to miss that infectious laugh and one liners just to make someone else laugh. He never acted better than anyone else. The stories were sometimes better! But he was a good person far beyond being a Roller or celebrity. And he will be deeply missed by this now goatless Goat Lady.

I hope that one day when my time comes to pass beyond the gates of Heaven there’s Gael, Diva, my parents, a few friends and a not quite as short as me American moving for a hug saying “hey Goat Lady!”

are you having a good time

Until that day there’s recordings of the familiar voice and image to remember.

“This song I want to dedicate to you…and to everyone who feels the way we do. As long as you’re a part of me the song will play on endlessly. I hope my dedication’s getting through. Dedication’s playing just for you.”

I’ll miss you Ian.  I’ll remember  and carry songs and stories on. 

An American 9/11

September 10, 2020

Nineteen years ago 3000 plus people went to sleep not knowing it would be their last night on earth. For those 3000 and their loved ones, friends and day to day associates life has changed.

Nineteen years seems a lifetime ago and, at the same time, just a few days ago. For many voting this year for the first time they don’t even remember life before 9/11 because they weren’t here. There have always been stories of “in my day….” and “old people don’t understand…” but we have got to turn that around and bridge it. It keeps both learning. Simple respect for other people while disrespecting those you demand respect from isn’t working.

America has problems…and yet people die trying to come here. We sometimes have too many demanding a say in things they know nothing about – from city to rural, from educated to not, from white skin to black to brown and back again…when do we listen to understand rather than listen to respond? There’s such power in working together.

Look at the last 100 years – food is safer, easier, cheaper and more widely available for less effort than any time in history. We can drive ourselves across country in a few days or fly in a few hours. Technology has given weather warnings beyond a feeling in the bones or how many cows are laying down in the field. The time saving devices in the kitchen grandma couldn’t even imagine. When she passed away in the late 1970s there was no cell phones, home internet and video chat.

Many of the “old people” developed and introduced and furthered those things and more. We have more time saving devices than ever and yet are less happy. More populated. Less connected.

Be thankful for what we have. Do something to honor those who have given their lives when they were interrupted by hate. And for Heaven’s sake don’t be blind enough to let it take root again! America is burning. Hate won’t win. Be involved. Stand up.

Be Americans.

Kentucky Oaks & Expectations

September 4, 2020

It has been a different year. So much the last couple of months, good and not so good, has brought another series of lessons. Today the first weekend in May became the first weekend in September and the Kentucky Oaks was run. This is the Derby for the girls.

Coming into it the brilliantly fast Gamine and the very talented Swiss Skydiver were set and expected to run well, with several others thought as a potential such as Speech to pick up pieces. That was before remembering horses don’t read.

SheDaresTheDevil entered for a payday. She got one! She ran past the expected winners and set a time record in winning what she wasn’t thought of capable of doing.

How many times do we let expectations of others factor in to what we can or can’t do? Action. Make a plan, stay focused, deal with issues and show what you can do. Even with delays.

May we remember and do the same.

What is Your Story?

July 9, 2020

Most people really don’t care about other people’s story. Some might be moved by a celebrity or an entertainer but the ordinary person in their community – often not. So we often don’t talk about our stories.

As many know, five years ago last month a storm wiped out the trailer we were living in. There was a backup in the current home but at the time it was a shell. No electric. No water. Hole in the roof and floor below rotted out, needing replaced. A large hole in the kitchen wall.

With animals and a teenager so not just me. The teenager had a mentor teaching him electricity work and Bill became a friend. In time and a few hours at a time work got done. A couple hundred dollars at a time seemed endless…and if you have ever looked  at electrical boxes, wires, connectors of all kinds you can remember how endless.

Connor and Bill rewired the home to be safe from an electrical standpoint, replacing what was dangerously not done right. We set up a water catchment system to catch water in large tanks. This was used for cleaning and with treatment cooking or drinking over a camp fire. Spartan but it worked.

Over time in five years the wall in the kitchen was repaired, floor in the kitchen repaired and back hall floor replaced. The roof was redone and patched. Floors redone in five rooms, a pantry put in, new well house built, insulation put in, heat put in, summer cooling improved using fans and windows…so, so many things needed done just to be functional. A dreaded but necessary rent to own was done on a stove and refrigerator, now paid off and still functional. Walls were painted and so much has been done although it has been painstakingly slow with life issues to do also. Among them along the way Bill passed away, Dad passed away…many friends passed away. Vehicle issues and so many challenges.

Stories…many! Judgements from others…many! Blessings….many! Friends…many came forth to help in many ways. Many I know people won’t believe but I know what happened.

One was the day Connor was studying…I was working on some paperwork and plans, but at 10 a.m. mulling over also what I was going to do for lunch. Money was short…at the time a way to cook much wasn’t available with no stove or oven. A truck pulled up outside and I don’t know the man in it. But I went out for a little chit chat and he suddenly said he had something for me if I would accept it and opened the truck door…a meal with chicken, sides and drinks from Jack’s in Carbon Hill. At the time we didn’t have  a phone, I’d spoken to no one…and yet the answer to a prayer.

Stories. One day at a time. One project at a time. One goal at a time.

Five years. When it seems nothing is happening…sometimes something is happening. What will you do today to make tomorrow better? Take the steps. It adds up!

SlowMoneyFarm ABC – D

July 8, 2020

As the ABC continues this post will go into some D words and SlowMoneyFarm.

So what words are on point? Randomly – Dominant, dormant, disastrous, danger and doubt. Oh how this group of words apply! Or maybe will apply.

Dominant maybe not as much. I don’t have the current capacity to be #1 locally or many other ways. This can be seen as a failure – without financial backing, manpower and many other inputs large companies wouldn’t be where they are. WalMart is seen as dominant in the marketplace but not everyone likes them or wants to be them. I can provide choices they cannot. I can sit down and talk to someone who buys from me – they cannot. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing but it is different. Choices matter too.

Dormant is a sleep phase to some but it’s a regroup phase to me. A dormant tree is still maintaining the root system and circulation to the tree. It’s growing, it’s preparing for the next year or the next stage of growth. Dormant might be resting but it’s not necessarily doing nothing and that so describes what’s been happening here. Regroup, find what works and what definitely won’t work for the new normal of the next 10 to 20 years.  Much is happening behind the scenes and I am so thankful for those who stick with me and those who have been a sounding board through the last couple of years of big personal chances.

Disastrous is also no stranger to SlowMoneyFarm with the storm definitely a disastrous event. So, so much loss and yet after dormant there has been regrowth, then dormant…and new growth pending. not every change is disastrous but oh my goodness when it hits it is powerful. In April nearby Carbon Hill had a tornado cut a swath and those changes are still happening for the people involved. Disaster can take but it can give to. Be the someone who makes a difference in disastrous times. It makes a bigger difference than you’ll ever know.

Danger is present often. Farming and life is surrounded by danger. A loose shirt around equipment can sever arms or kill. A bull can end a life without even intending to…and if they intend too it’s definitely danger! Danger can take other forms too – depression, discouragement can rock the mental boat further than we find safe. Dangers aren’t necessarily to be feared but to be respected and be prepared to deal with it. Wherever you are think about dangers and how to get through them…from fire plans to financial to teaching your children what to do in dangerous situations. Some argue it scares kids to see it but if they know what to do – action – they have something to fall back on. Many very young children know how to call 911 in an emergency or do basic CPR – either or both of those things can save a life of someone they know! Teach them and if you haven’t been taught…learn!

Doubt is another word that is present. The last five years especially has been littered with doubt. I had huge doubts five years ago! Monumentally massive doubts. I had a disaster zone to deal with, animal lives depending on me, a teenager depending on me, most of a roof but no power or running water and so many things I couldn’t afford and couldn’t do. That story coming! Confront doubts like danger – fear – do something! One step at a time. Keep moving.

What is Your Compass?

July 6, 2020

When we think of a compass we think direction. True north comes to mind and finding a path to where we want to be. Sometimes that direction isn’t always just physical.

compass on brown wooden table

Photo by Derwin Edwards on Pexels.com

When we think about where we’re going that also takes into account where we’ve been. Home. That may change and further changes mean it was once and won’t be again. Growing up in Illinois there were imagination pictures of what Kentucky or other areas looked like, usually in relation to horses. Or Scotland, long an interest and I’m not sure if Border collies or the Bay City Rollers started it actually. Living in Washington it seemed ideal – weather, activities…but it changed and was no longer my ideal. I still miss what it was but the compass isn’t there…it was a stop on the journey. A decade of memories and people and mistakes but not a life.

orange chrysanthemum flowers in closeup photo

Photo by Deva Darshan on Pexels.com

A compass doesn’t always define the path. It tells us the direction but not the details. Oklahoma was home for a while and a big part of my heart will always be there. Alas, “north” was not there either. So it meant a venture west which worked for my sister but not so much for me. Good things there but not home for sure.

South wasn’t on my consideration of anything on the compass yet I live in Alabama. And while the compass can point north it tells direction not time. For now…Alabama is home. It has been for 15 years next month and with the time has come peace. Direction has come from people as well as a compass. If we look at that we find what, often, has been there all along. Being true to yourself is important too. Peace. I haven’t yet found that 100% I can say I love myself but most of the time can say I hate myself less…and sometimes flashes of better show. Maybe in another decade!

A poster on the wall reminds me life is a journey not a race. We think when we have *this* we’ll be happy but landfills are full of things people thought would make them happy or save time or be the one thing that changes their path. We choose our path. We don’t choose how much time we have or many other things but we choose how we deal with this thing called life.

I like myself in this life enough to not settle for empty promises and questionable loyalty. In that I have seen flashes of love at times. Some might say that is conceited…but we can’t give what we don’t have. If we don’t have love how do we give it? It’s no different than if I had a thousand dollars I’d give it to you…but don’t have a thousand dollars so…! So often we treat ourselves and those close worse than we’d treat a stranger. The things we say would be rude to say to a stranger…but is it less to be said in our homes?

Find your compass. Your north. Start your journey. We’ve crossed paths and it’s good.

One Step Forward…

July 5, 2020

What happened to June?! POOF! I had plans to do a special post on the 8th as it was five years since the storm. So many changes. So many things to do and just me to do it!

There’s the blog. Weeding the garden. Harvesting, bagging, taking things to the market. Dealing with bugs. Taking care of the dogs, the house, trying to deal with not getting too far into my own head, Connor being away from home, planning for new things, dealing with day to day issues, running errands, helping neighbors who couldn’t get out much…add in the Covid19 issue and a few others and shake the heck out of it. Add some loss and for the first time not really feeling like writing.

Then all of a sudden it’s….July!! Connor turned 22 on the 3rd…does not seem possible! Getting through the not wanting to write when writing has been refuge for decades has been hard even with a long list of things to talk about. No one wants to read boo hoo day after day! Ack!

So it has been a case of back up a step, regroup, boo hoo in private and keep going forward. We all have to do that at times, so it’s not special. The details may be different but it’s still deal with it and go forward.

It’s July. Independence day weekend. Step forward. Who’s with me?

USA Thankful

May 24, 2020

There are many critics of the USA. There are those who have benefited from America’s people and opportunities and are incredibly thankful for being an adopted American.

I am thankful for being born here. No it’s not a perfect place. There are many cases where it seems an unfair deal is presented. Yet it is a place that people have, and will, die for. It is a place where despite paying that price, it can be not seen as important to say the pledge, to sing the anthem or put the flag on the veteran’s grave we honor this weekend. It’s not a sale or a BBQ but a tribute to those like Troy. It’s to remember those in the family who willingly signed up to go do things they couldn’t speak of when they came home.

TroyNealey

LCpl Troy Nealey

I am thankful to live in a country we have the reasonable chance of working hard and getting rewarded for it. I am thankful to not be targeted for death for being a woman. I am thankful for when I see a bag of garbage along the road we can think it’s a bag of garbage not an explosive devise to kill us. There are risks everywhere but opportunity too. We aren’t required to practice a certain religion or confined to a certain job whether we like it or not. We can start homeless or new to the country and make a life.

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Family pictorial of veterans and a couple others.

I am thankful for America and those who served to keep her free. I am thankful for much.

Final Date

May 22, 2020

When you walk through a cemetery you see dates. A birth date and a death date and in between is a dash…a story that you don’t have full knowledge of. We usually don’t have a final date mapped out before hand. Some just think it’s someday. Others, sadly, decide today is the day. Some call them selfish, losers or some other insult, like that helps.

From 1988 to now there have been many good things, and some not so good things, in my life. I never pictured living, let alone settling, in Alabama. Washington was home then but struggles were many.

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Depression affects millions of people in the USA and too often it’s hidden. Shame. Not wanting pity. Figuring no one cares. The reasons for hiding it are many and those hiding are often seen as happy people. Those left behind say “if only he’d reached out” or “I didn’t know she was depressed” or feel guilt at missing signs and “too busy” to listen. Perhaps it’s one rejection too many…perhaps it’s just feeling like you never measure up…or not wanting to be a burden on family or friends.

This year started with the loss of a friend…the latest name in many that have unfortunately been lost to a faceless rival that takes loved ones and leaves questions. Why?

I’m thinking about 1988 for a reason today. The people who would be missed. The people who would be asking why. The guilt some would feel when it’s not about them at all but a way to stop the hurt…the not measuring up…the never quite being good enough no matter what was done. My friend played the Opry the week he died…success isn’t enough. Robin Williams was loved by people the world over but personal connections are needed not just fickle, faceless crowds. And in 1988 somehow there was still more for me to do here because it didn’t succeed.

The highs and bottomless lows the last decade haven’t brought me to the same measure but for different reasons. After a hospital stay and starting counseling there was a question posed. If you had to call someone at 2 a.m. who would be be…and I couldn’t think of a single name. None I would want to bother. None I thought would pick up the phone so why try it and get one more round of silence.

The next…who would it affect. That was a bit longer list. Parents. Maybe a few people but mostly life would go on and a few months or years later it’d be like not being here at all. Today both of those lists are a little longer…and so much has happened since 1988. Not all good and some of it I slap messed up. I don’t know when that final date will be but it wasn’t 1988. It wasn’t 2006.  It wasn’t 2014. It wasn’t 2019.

Look around you…share a word of encouragement. A small kindness or a phone call just because. If you know someone struggling with depression don’t just assume it’ll go away. It won’t. From 1988 to now it hasn’t. It makes you think you have then taps the shoulder and says “guess what I’m still here!” Be it support groups or counseling or just talking…LISTENING. Be there, be present, put the phone down and listen.

You never know the real difference it can make. It might be someone you planned to call tomorrow. It might be someone you were going to take to lunch next week. It might be someone you promised to do something with and you got interrupted and just got busy so didn’t call. Words do matter. Actions matter. Lies matter. Betrayal matters.

Life matters. Cherish it.

Retreat!

May 21, 2020

Retreat can mean go back. Most would say it’s unproductive to retreat. Going back is…but how about going forward? What if a mini vacation was possible without going anywhere? What if the way forward was a little bit of a break…a retreat? This has been a progression here. Sometimes it seems like more back than forward but persistence matters!

It’s a place to find comfort. It’s a shady spot for a break on a hot day and a warm fire on a cold night. It’s a warm meal and a dry place to sleep. This brings a peace of mind that is beyond money. There is a difference between comfort and lazy.

red and black plaid blanket on hammock

Photo by Elina Sazonova on Pexels.com

If we don’t care for ourselves who will? Caring can be among friends, family and acquaintances. When we have no way to go forward and people come forward to help, we find where our support is. We can also have our own support at times. Find those things that we enjoy, or used to enjoy, and taking time to just enjoy it.

 Sometimes life can bring drama. Drama brings issues that can affect health. The solution…calm. Peaceful calm to help restore rattled nerves even if just long enough to have a cup of tea.

It takes money to get by in the world but there’s some things money just can’t provide entirely. Many have money and talk to impress others with how much they spent on one thing or another. The opposite…priceless treasures. The peace that comes from having a pantry that is stocked. The priceless gift of safety.

The last thing is the retreat from the din of city. Sirens, shots, arguments, chaos. Precious silence. Watching fireflies in the night sky on a hot summer night. Sitting with friends and a guitar, or voices interrupting the night with laughter and sharing. Or just watching the fire in a pit.

These things are an invaluable retreat. We all should have that.

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